Honesty about creativity, art, mental illness, grief, feminism, human rights and chronic pain with a healthy dose of sarcasm

Pain Fog

Deciding to hit the grocery store yesterday may have been a bad idea but it was nessasary. The long weekend cleaned our fridge of fruits, veggies, and meal ingredients. So in spite of elevated pain levels I set out to pick up a few things.

learned yesterday that I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help when I need it.

First, ordering from the deli turned into a ridiculously difficult task. I stuttered out my order in drips and drabs because I couldn’t focus on what I wanted. My back was hurting so badly I had a tough time trying to push and pull my thoughts to anything else. Fortunately the clerk was friendly and patient with me.

I almost went to the check-out after the deli but I knew I would just have to go back so I pressed on. Trying to make decisions about what to choose in the produce section became more and more frustrating as the pain ratcheted upwards.

I saw someone I recognized but I couldn’t place her through my pain foggy brain. I grew nervous I’d embarrass myself talking to her so I hid my face and hoped she wouldn’t notice me.

Later on I, rather ironically, dropped a packet of muscle relaxants because my hands tremble more and more as my pain levels increase. I then slowly, almost comically, squatted down to retrieve the box and decided I had enough groceries, which was good, ‘cuz I’d sure as hell had enough in general😉

I made my way to check out and scared the guy in front of me when I yelped as a spasm struck as I tried to reach into the cart to pick up my items. I then fumbled through small talk with the cashier as I didn’t want to be rude. It was busy and because my injuries aren’t easily visible and I am young-ish, I didn’t want to bother asking for help carrying my groceries out.

I beat myself up over my poor decision to not ask for help and slowly pushed the cart towards the doors. I suppose it was fortunant I was slow though as a clerk jogged after me to hand me the card I’d forgotten.

I used all the focus I had left to drive the 5 minutes home. Carrying my bags in and putting things away was done in conjunction with a few tears and taking medication. After finishing I finally was able to rest.

Have you ever experienced the brain fog chronic pain can sometimes cause? What tricks have you found to combat this? I look forward to hearing any thoughts you might have.



Categories: chronic pain, disability, invisible disability, Self Esteem, Uncategorized, visible didability


3 replies

  1. Grocery delivery! We used to get SPUD. Expensive, but worth it not to have to take two preschoolers to the store.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds awful. Boy Scouts might go with for the badge. Seniors for a ride.

    Liked by 1 person

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