perkreations

Honesty about creativity, art, mental illness, grief, feminism, human rights and chronic pain with a healthy dose of sarcasm

Facing Anxiety – Small steps are still steps

And anxiety takes over yet again and the more I fight it the harder it tugs. Sinking in quicksand. Will I ever find my feet? 👣

Would that I could wish it away but wishes like that just beg it to stay. Scanning thoughts to find the cause. Scanning because it’s not obvious. Trouble is, when I’m unsure, the more I scan the more I find to be anxious about.

Last night I couldn’t nail it down but it comes into sharp focus this morning. I am venturing out to watch my friends son curl and although I am excited I am also terrified.😨

I’m heading back to a place where many of my dreams came to be. Where many of my dreams came true. So much history. Unfortunately this is not a world I’ve been part of for years. Now I’m outside looking in.👀

My injuries keep me away and I live in fear of questions about what I’m doing now, where I’ve been. I thought I’d set the curling world on fire someday.♨ It’s hard to make disability leave sound hopeful. 

Back to this morning.🌞 I arrived and watched my friend’s son play and he had a great time and so did I. I did see people I knew but, of course, they were all gracious and kind and genuinely curious about what I was up to.❤

I’m glad I went today. It was scary but I feel good about it. I don’t know when or if I’ll be back on a more permanent basis but that’s OK. I don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. Small steps are still steps after all.👣

K

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Categories: anxiety, chronic pain, depression, mental health, poetry, Self Esteem

Tags: , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Kim, I love your expression of pain, anxiety and all the related feelings. The reality you describe is so relatable. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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