perkreations

Honesty about creativity, art, mental illness, grief, feminism, human rights and chronic pain with a healthy dose of sarcasm

Musing and Ranting About Getting Older

In less than a month I will be 37. I will be 37 and I feel like I’ve been standing still for the past 5 years. When I was working I was achieving, I was pushing myself, I was creative, and making friends and I had a busy, full life.

Lately in therapy we’ve been working on finding my ideal future career. Sometimes I even feel excited, ready to take on the world again. 

I feel like maybe it’s just something simple I haven’t done recently that will make all the difference…like reading The Secret -FYI I have read the Secret and it was stupid and any psychiatric Dr or nurse I’ve ever mentioned it to have laughed and then quickly said “…uh yeah, The Secret is bs.” Who knows…maybe I just haven’t met the right Dr yet.

Anyway, back to career thinking. These are some of the questions I grapple with constantly when I’m not daydreaming of running some creative fortune 500 company:

* What can I handle mentally?

* What can I handle physically?

* Can I handle a position that’s as incredibly creative and stimulating as I want it to be? I need passionšŸ’ššŸ’ƒšŸ’š

* Who will want to hire me and my limitations?

* Do I deserve a second chance at a dream job?

And on and on and on…

I’m told to dream big. Warp my fantasy where all limitations no longer exist. Honestly, I wonder if my aversion to showers and my hermit-lifestyle isn’t perhaps a glaring sign I need to deal with that shit first.

Ug! Pardon my whining, I’m just finding priorities hard to pin down.

K

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Categories: anxiety, chronic pain, creativity, depression, mental health, Self Esteem

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